I bought a set of Beatles coasters because I’m great with money.
I haven’t gotten drunk in months. However I am now and I am reminded about how fantastic it is.
Does anyone else get into those weird funks where you listen to the Arctic Monkeys for a month straight?
“I think i might hit the sack early tonight.” is some bullshit that I told myself 3 hours ago.
I’m gonna start carbo-loading for my sleep marathon this afternoon.
I’m too drunk to take any shots seriously.
I miss you guys.
If you see me
thebestkindofmisfit: Just assume I need a hug and respond accordingly.
I remember the good old days when peer pressure was fun. The cool kids would try to get me to do awesome things like drink alcohol or do drugs. Now the only thing close to peer pressure that I get is when a coworker says “Dude, fuck this banana. I’m having a Snickers.” Then I reply with “Yeah, fuck bananas. I’m having candy too.”
TECHNICALLY I rolled out of bed into my dark and lonely bedroom at 5:45 this morning and went to work. In my mind, however, I’m still laying there half asleep with a lovely lady listening to Beirut.
I’m at a party with boxed wine and plastic cups. I might be over dressed.
If your name is Aaron, rest assured, I’ll be calling you “Double A.” Like a total asshole.
Childhood Shane and adult Shane were never in better harmony than now since I am in a bar called The Toy Soldier.
A fun little game that I like to play with girls I just met is where I pretend not to have an opinion on movies and we see whatever she wants to see and I silently resent her if she makes the wrong choice.
Sometimes I like to pretend that I am an early American colonist and drive to pick up my pizza instead of having it delivered.
I was just told that I am probably racist because I don’t enjoy Tyler Perry’s movies. I’m gonna need some time to think, but I’m pretty sure its bullshit.