Bertrand Russell is the best.
Hey, you guys, I met a girl tonight that is totally going to forget about me by the time I text her next weekend!
I’m at some sort of club on my birthday and I haven’t even been offered one blow job yet! Its like I live in a city full of savages or something.
I drunk-walked home from a friend’s house this morning and when I got home my roommate had fallen asleep on the couch. I’m going to assume he was waiting up for me and that we are the most adorable people in the world.
You guys, lately I’ve only posted while drunk. Also, I only talk to people while drunk. So, I have nothing to say.
The coolest part about having a Harry Nilsson shirt is probably the fact that it automatically makes you the coolest person ever.
If you’re talking to a guy in a cardigan, he has probably already thought through his options
If I’m not feeling angry or depressed enough, I’ll watch the news.